My first Pregnancy! :(

                I had my first pregnancy last March 2013. Von and I were ready to have a baby that time so we tried for couple of months, Then after few months , My menstruation was delayed for almost 2 months so I tried a pregnancy checked and it turned positive. Von and I were happy and we immediately told it to our parents. And even our friends and relative were all excited about it. My first prenatal checked up was okay and everything was normal. The second checked up, I was 9 weeks and I had my first OB ultrasound,so they checked my baby’s heartbeat. I heard and saw my baby’s little heart it was beating so fast. I’m glad that everything is normal. My third appointment was my second ultrasound. I was scheduled next to Garfield Medical Hospital. It’s less than 1 hour drive from my house. The clinic is in the second floor. When we got there at the clinic. I just filled up some form and then they called my name. I followed the lady in the room and then I lie down on the bed and the lady place some ultrasound gel in my tummy. The gel was warm, there’s a flat TV in front of me, and it was hanging on the wall. Once they roll the ultrasound stick in my stomach, I saw a figure in the TV it was my baby inside my tummy. My baby’s still small. The lady told me to wait a minute, she called a Doctor. Then the other lady checked my tummy again. She asked me if I had any bleeding and cramping for the past week. I never had cramping or bleeding so I told them, no I didn’t experience any of them.  And the lady told me that your baby’s heart stopped. I told them what do you mean that my baby’s heart stopped? I was supposed to be 12 weeks pregnant. She said that my baby stopped developing on its 9^th week. I told them can you repeat it again and can I have a copy of a record please! They tried it again, they can’t hear any heart beat neither I, plus there’s already blood on my uterus wall. I was crying so bad, I can’t believe that my baby’s heart beat stopped. They said that they will call my OB doctor to schedule an appointment on what’s should be done on the baby inside my tummy. The lady accompanied me outside. I can’t stop crying, Von was sitting outside and saw me crying. He said what happened Hon? Why are you crying? Are you okay? He hugged me. I can’t talked and I can’t control the tears running in my eyes. I just faced the most nightmare of my life. And when I managed to talked I told him that our baby’s heart beat stopped on its 9^th week. He said did they try again? Is there any record can I see a picture. I said yes and I told him what the lady has said inside the clinic. And after a few minutes we headed to his car. And at his car I’m still crying. I wanted to stop crying but I can’t helped myself. Every time I’m thinking that the fetus inside my womb is already dead. . I was down and felt like I’m carrying the whole world in my shoulder. Von was comforting me but nothing worked because of the pain and the disappointment i had that time. I don’t know what I to do, when we got home. My mom and dad saw me crying. I told them the bad news. They comforted me and said that I know it was hard for now but God has a purposed and it happened also to some pregnant woman. Don’t think too much and stop crying. I can’t stop crying and I can’t think of anything but my baby. I cried all night. There’s a time that I’ll just cry out of nowhere because I still have a glimpse of what happened to my baby. Then after three days, My Doctor scheduled me for D &C. They gave me 2 options, first was to wait 1-2 weeks and let my body flashed my baby by itself or get a D&C procedure. I chose the D&C procedure because there’s a cons if I chose the first one. If I let my dead fetus stayed inside me for more than 2 weeks, there’s a probability that my blood can get poisoned. And at the 1^st week of June, I had my D&C. I waited for so long inside the room at the hospital. They poked me and gave me IV dextrose. And after so many hours of waiting. They moved me in the operating room. Then injected me anesthesia. I just felt a hot sensation running inside my veins and I can’t remember anything. Then when I woke up I’m already at the recovery room. The first moment I opened my eyes, it was blurry and I immediately checked the time it was late already. I think it was 7pm.  I asked the nurse for how long I am sleeping and when the procedure finished? The nurse told me that I was sleeping for one hour and the procedure takes only 15 minutes. She said that I need to eat and call someone to pick me up. She said I can go home after 30minutes to hour. I called my brother and I waited for him to come and picked me up. I didn’t feel the pain, except when I pee, I felt a little bit pain in my private part but it was tolerable. Then when I got home I rested and eat.

                I felt better now even though sometimes I still cry when I think of what happened to my pregnancy. When Von and I we’re inside the car, I’m always quiet and just looking straight. I’m tired to talked or look at the surroundings. Sometimes I just cry and Von comforted me every time I’m said. I know he feel sorry for me. But after 1-2 months I accepted it and I know God has a purposed. We will just try again next time when we’re ready again. This is just a trial and challenges that God has given me. I think papa God is testing Von and I. We were proud on ourselves that we get over that trial in our life and we still think positive after all. I know that our little angel is watching us wherever we go and whatever we do. This experienced makes us stronger and tested our relationship as couple. Thank you God for giving me the best husband, a family and friend. That they’re always at my side through my ups and downs. My positive outlook in life is still the same and never changed even I had the bad experienced in my pregnancy. Just always move on and think of more positive stuff and we know that we still have our family and friends to cope with us. Now, I completely moved on and I felt stronger. I know that I can carry any problems that I will encounter in the future and stay positive. It just a part of our life.

                Now, I am blessed again. Thank you God for giving me a healthy pregnancy. I am 5 months pregnant and everything was normal. I will make another blog about my current pregnancy. Thank you for reading my blog. For all the woman who experienced or experiencing the same situation I had, don’t lose hope and start a brand new beginning. And whoever is experiencing a big trial or challenge in life right now. Always remember that God has plan and purpose in every trial he given to us.  Thank you once again and be happy J